Anticipation
by Eyna of the Moon
Summary: L x OC L struggles to live with his first love...
1. One

Sue me. XD I had to do this. My first Death Note fanfic. Oh, and this all takes place at the **Wammy's House**. I didn't want to write about Kira, so, enjoy a younger L.

**Death Note** belongs to it's respectful owner.

**October 30, 1993**

"Yulri-chan,"

"Yeah, hm?"

"..."

I smiled faintly, picking up a piece of caramel and brushing my hair from my face. L stared back apathetically. I glanced at him and gently pushed the plate of caramel sweets toward him. He frowned.

"What's the matter, L-kun?"

He stared at me with a glint in his eyes at my mistake in speech. I gulped, accidentally swallowing the caramel.

"Ryuzaki..." I corrected, adding distaste in my tone. Why did he want to be called _that_ name? I like L better. I furrowed my eyebrows, frowning, but straightening my expression after L sighed.

"I'm sorry," he stared at the caramel pieces, stacking them on top of one another. "It's just that..." he sighed once again after the pieces fell. I felt the need to finish his sentence.

"Your birthday, right?"

"..."

"Watari told me..."

L took a caramel piece and shoved it in his mouth somewhat reluctantly. He chewed it slowly and swallowed it. I smiled; he bit his nail. Obviously, he knew something I didn't. I waited anxiously for him to tell me.

"It'll be two years..."

I raised my eyebrows. That's right, his fourteenth birthday. I finished his sentence again, not wanting to hear the words from him.

"Until you leave..." My throat felt sore as I held back tears. "But those two years...We can make the best of! L- uhm, Ryuzaki..." It wouldn't be any use. Everyone in the orphanage will want to shower him with attention, then slowly we'll get seperated. _That's the way things are_, L told me. I didn't want to believe it at the time.

We were always together, back then.

And I got scolded for it everyday. He was my friend; I didn't understand. I hated the girls I had to share a room with, why couldn't I stay in L's room? He had a room to himself. The silence is wonderful...

I would always whine about how people were just jealous of our friendship. I had asked L why they were jealous and he told me-

"That's just the way things are, Yulri-chan."

We had to go through this everytime his birthday came around. An orphan could stay at the Wammy's House until the age of sixteen. And L, being a truly gifted orphan, may as well leave early.

I stared at the floor, desperately searching for a way off the subject. I paused and stared up at L, with little determination. I took a caramel piece and broke it in halves.

"Promise." I held out one piece for L.

"Promise?" his face held bewilderment.

"That we'll have as much fun as we can until you leave."

L's face lightened. He took the half and ate it, as I did.

**I know it's short, but the 2nd chapter will be much longer.**

**Revision: 9-15-07 **I didn't change anything, just did a little rewording.


	2. Two

Second chapter.

**Disclaimer** in the first chapter.

**October 31, 1993**

I couldn't understand why we kept receiving awkward stares. What had we done wrong?

The girls snickered when I walked by; the boys gaped in disbelief. I wanted to ignore them, but I couldn't picture what made it so bizarre.

_I was holding L's hand, that's all._

L didn't notice them; maybe I was just too self-conscious. I was holding his hand so that we wouldn't get seperated. Usually, on L's birthday, the children crowd around him and sing and dance and listen to his every whim. Needless to say, I become forgotten on this day. I think that's why L told me to say by his side the whole day, today. He grasped my hand tightly and glanced over at me every few minutes as we walked.

It was slowly approaching noon, and Watari hadn't spoken word about a party. By now, the children would be bouncing off the walls from excitement, but they quietly slid into their rooms once they saw L.

Presently in the kitchen, L helped himself to cake. He smiled at me before gazing over at two of the largest slices of cake, debating over which one. Licking his lips and sticking the spoon in his mouth, he took the smaller of the slices and took my hand again with his free one.

We headed out the kitchen, back into the halls. It was sullen, despite the occasional creaking of a closing door. Maybe even the whisper of children, though you never saw who spoke. All the while L walked, unfliching, his eyes almost peering into the unseen, as if trying to understand it.

Once we entered his room, he dropped my hand, and shuffled over to the bed, setting the cake before him when he sat in his odd position. He laid the spoon, neatly beside the cake and observed it with his finger shoved in his mouth, making sure he didn't overlook something.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "...Ryuzaki...Aren't you going to eat it...?"

His head shifted over to me robotically. "It's for you."

I blinked several times, surprised. Was he feeling okay? Nevertheless, I took a seat on the edge of the bed and lifted the spoon. L's eyes were affixed to it as I picked up a small spoonful of cake- most of it frosting.

I stared at it for a few more moments, contemplating over whether I should eat it or not. I slowly took a bite and picked up another spoonful. After more scoops of frosting, holding another spoonful, I offered L a bite, him staring at it before realizing what I was doing.

"Oh, yes..." He took the spoon from my grasp and ate carefully, afterwards placing it on the plate beside the half-eaten cake. He stared at me with his dark-circled eyes and then at his feet, moving them nervously.

"Yulri-chan..."

I anxiously awaited his next words.

"How do you feel?"

I blinked twice. "I'm fine..." my eyes wandered away from him, then slowly creeped back up to him. "How do you feel?" I asked politely, not wanting to make the situation more awkward than it already was.

L turned his head to the floor beneath the bed. "...Confused."

I held my breath, trying to figure out what he meant. When I opened my mouth to reply, the door slammed open, revealing a young blonde-haired child.

_Mello._ He was only four, but admired L to a great extent. He never looked at me, in fact, I believed he hates me and yet he stared directly at me with some twisted expression of horror and hidden pleasure. "Hey lady!" he shouted, "Someone's here to see you!" and with that he scurried out the room.

I stared at the spot were Mello once stood, then glanced at L. I tried to convey some unknown emotion I felt through words, but my voice failed me. I sank off the bed and out the door after Mello.

When I entered the hall, Mello turned a corner not bothering to stop and wait. I followed, dragging my feet along the way...

_I sat within the shadows of the city, a futile attempt to escape the relentless chill._

_I was an orphan, so disgusting that my parents refused to keep me. And even in mid-December, they abandoned me on the streets. It wasn't a hard living, and at the same time, it wasn't easy. I was one of the lucky ones, the ones that were actually liked by people- by anyone but my parents. Though I had on decent clothing, the cold reminded me that no matter what, I would always remain this way. And the sky cried for me because my heart ached._

_I hadn't seen him today. The boy just a little older than me. He didn't have parents either, but he did have something far more valuable: __**a home**_

_I see him, everyday, visitingt he local candy store with an old man with gray, thinning hair. And I envied and grew fond of him all the same. He noticed me, whether it was from the candy store, gazing from affair, or glancing at me before he left to go home. __**But he knew I was there.**_

_I tried to talk to him, once, but he grew nervous, and didn't answer my questions. We knew nothing of each other and yet he probably despised me because I was a "street rat" as some people called me._

_**It's not my fault that I was under-privaged.**_

_I sat outside the candy shop he visited and didn't bother to look at him, though I stared at the old man with loathing. I hid myself behind one of the columns, hoping that he'd just ignore me as I waited for my end. My childhood was already in ruins; why have hope for it now?_

_The bells of the candy shop jingled. There was movement beside me that I ignored, but soon the eerie feeling of eyes followed. I flinched and kept to myself. Was just a coincidence that he would sit beside me, a small smile pastered on his face. Probably staring at something more amusing than me._

_I twitched as the cold pricked my neck and made the hair on my body stand on end. I cupped my hands and held them to my lips, then exhaled hot air to regain warmth._

_After a vain attempt, I shivered. __**Stupid weather.**_

_My heart started to beat rapidly, and I discoverd why too soon._

_"Want it?" he asked, offering his jacket. I stared at everything, but his eyes._

_"No, I'm fine."_

_"Take it." he urged. I sat, immersed in the freezing weather, then pulled it from his hand, grateful to the warmth it supported me with. His smile faded, and I took the opportunity to inhale the scent on one of the sleeves. It might have been obsessive of me, I know, but it was all I had._

_**It was all I could have.**_

Apparently, the "someone" Mello spoke of claimed to be my parents.

And my "parents" wanted me back. As Watari explained this to me, I wanted so dearly to tell him that I already knew what as going on. But...why'd I come to this orphanage if I wasn't a gifted child? Not that it hurt because I wasn't like most of the children here, _just why?_

He gestured toward the door, and it swung open. There was a tall man, clad in a black suit with the coldest gray eyes that I've ever seen. Eyes as cold as mine. Behind him was a smaller, thinner round woman with bronze hair. Her face lit up once she saw me and she extended her arms toward me.

"My Ulrica! My daughter! My child!" he chanted. I stared until it all came back to me. These people were, in deed, my parents. The same ones who'd left me in the cold, whereas Watari took me in, even in my disheveled state, and gave me a place to stay.

"You are so beautiful!" the woman sang. I narrowed my eyes at her and uncomfortably shifted away. That same voice was used to degrade me. Watari placed his hand on my back to keep me from shuffling back. He sighed.

"Do you know these people, Ulrica?"

"Of course she does!" the woman hollered furiously. The man kept malicious eye on me all the while, stroking his chin.

I flinched and shook my head. The woman seethed, the man throwing an arm around her waist and whispering something that made her smirk. I cringed and muttered subconsciously, "I want L."

Watari stared down at me, perhaps not believing what I said. I spoke again, not on instinct this time. "I want L."

The man and woman stared at me in shock. "L?"

As if an alarm had been triggered, I felt his presence. I heard his footsteps even before he'd entered the room, and every eye followed as all attention was directed toward L.

"Yulri-chan, what's wrong?" it seemed as if the strange man and woman didn't exist to him.

I quickly hugged him, wiping the tears that began to form on his shirt. He put his hand on my back comfortingly.

"She can't leave." Watari spoke, his point being proven. The man and woman were finally convinced; I heard a disgruntled sigh from the woman. I left go of L, letting my hands drop beside me. He quickly took my hand in his.

"We'll be back." the man spoke in a gruff voice that nearly shook the room. Staring at me with an expectant eye, he turned and left the room, a hand placed on the woman's back, carring her along. Once they left, L turned to me. I smiled.

"Happy Birthday." I muttered.

He smiled back.

**Revision: 9-15-07**

**Yup. For future reference, L is 14 and Ulrica is 11. "Yulri-chan" is just the way L mispronounces Ulrica. Yeah. I might include that in a chapter later on, but for now, chapter 3 awaits.**


	3. Three

Well, third chapter. (I wonder why no one reviews?)

Disclaimer in the first chapter.

_It was a such...dreadful excitement that I felt when I gazed upon my new home._

_I was only seven; a small, frail child with pale skin and the iciest of grey eyes. My clothes were worn, ripped, and beginning to become too small for me to wear. My hair fell over my eyes and was very umkempt as I tried to fix it myself more than once._

_I stayed close to Watari- he told me his name- as he escorted me through halls of noisy children. I noticed that they were all properly clothed and fed. I was taken to one of the eldest girls, named Mai, then I bathed and got cleaned up._

_As I sat, feeling water against my skin for the first time in many years, Mai told me the "in"s and "out"s of the Wammy House, not that I ever used them later, but for the sake of staying in this place without getting into __**too much**__ trouble._

_She didn't ceased talking, but I didn't mind. The voice of someone who cared was all I wanted to hear._

_After I dried, with a towel draped over me, I was led into another room and shivered from the cold air. Mai rummaged through a closet for something and I stood, shivering and bewildered._

_With a gasp, Mai snatched a pink dress from a hanger and grinned. She proceeded to brush my hair, satisfied with her choice. Lastly, she slipped a pink and white ribbon from her pocket and tied it in my hair._

_"You'll make the perfect present." she muttered, staring in awe at her work._

_One last time, I was led through a series of halls until we saw Watari, standing outside a door where much noise emitted from. The noise of young children shouting and squealing from excitement. Watari looked down at me, smiled, and nodded for Mai to leave. She frowned swiftly, with a glint of despair, and left as she was ordered to. Watari waited for the sound of footsteps to vanish, then turned and twisted the doorknob; the children inside counted down simulatneously._

_"3...2...1...Happy Birthday!"_

_The children fell silent and all eyes were aimed at me like daggers. Watari motioned toward me, then pulled me forward._

_I stood dumbfounded in front no one other than the birthday boy._

_**The same boy who'd given me his jacket.**__ I felt judgement while the boy stared at me, eyeing me with his finger pressed against his teeth._

_A smile creeped on his face._

_"I'm L."_

**November 22, 1993**

I stared outside the window with some unknown longing. Lately, L was gone all the time because he was some gifted detective or something...

I cared not to listen to the details. I just didn't want L to go.

Only 2 hours passed, yet they felt like an eternity. I never knew how much time I spent with L until now, actually. The room was bleak and empty, but it was filled with warm, unusual memories. Or, at least that's how I saw it.

I hadn't eaten anything except for the strawberry L gave me from his cake this morning and now, when my stomach growled, I ignored it. I rather not leave this room, anyway.

Watari left with L, so a man named Roger took over the responsiblity of watching over the children. However, Roger isn't very fond of children- and Mello and his new found friend, Matt, never fail to let that down.

It's a complete riot outside the calm walls of this room.

But the boredom is literally killing me.

I curled up beneath the cover awaiting L's return, not seeing the sky beyond the only window in the room change from sunset to complete night. I was asleep, until movement woke me. I kept my eyes closed, but heard a low breathing.

"...Yulri-chan..."

My heart beat faster. I opened my eyes slowly.

"L...Uh- I mean-"

"Don't worry about it." he cut me off before I could correct my mistake.

"Yulri-chan...How are you feeling today?" he spoke quickly, as if he was desperate to know, but with much care and concern.

"Better." I smiled.

"I'm sorry to keep you up, but this will be the only time I can see you." there was unusual sadness in his voice.

Dare I ask...? "Why...?"

"I mean, during night time, Yulri-chan."

"Oh."

There was only deep breathing as we stared at each other in the obscure light.

"Night time, huh?" I pouted offhandedly.

"I thought about you all day, Yulri-chan." L's attempt to cheer me up was slow.

I moved closer to L and embraced him. I thought about it all day, though it was easier by thought than actually done. I closed my eyes and exhaled in his chest.

"You must be tired..." L lifted my head up a bit. I held my breath preparing for something different.

"I'll let you sleep, then." he kissed my forehead sweetly, then resting there- breathing on my forehead. "Good night, Yulri-chan." he whispered. I fell into a deep sleep soon after.

A scream woke us both up. One of the girls came to get L, and was surprised to see me in the bed with him. He wasn't in the covers with me. What was wrong? I rubbed my eyes, frowning. That was the best sleep I had had in a long while. After the girl ran out the room, L stared at me for a good minute, then left. I wasn't sure if he'd come back or not. And if he didn't, I cuddled the covers.

Maybe I wouldn't feel so lonely.

More minutes passed. I was right, he wasn't going to be coming back until night. Just as I thought this, the door opened. In the door stood someone I hadn't seen in quite a while.

"Mai?"

**Revision: 9-17-07**

Oh, Mai plays a very important part in th story. And I'm not **that** addicted to MapleStory, so the 4th chapter will be up soon.


	4. Four

Lucky me, I struck an idea for chapter four.

In this chapter we see a different side of Ulrica...

**Disclaimer** in the first chapter

Something echoed in the back of my mind. **You should've expected this**, it said.

"Mai?" I spoke gently and tenderly; she was like an older sister to me.

**Was.**

But here, in front of me, she withheld a glint of hatred in her eyes. The same hatred my parents possessed. I sat upright, clutching the covers. She glowered at me, but the tone of her voice was of utter disbelief. I heard none of the hate she had in her eyes.

"What did you do?" her voice resounded anxiety. She said it so quickly that I barely understood what she said.

"Huh-?"

"What did you do?" her eyes narrowed. I feared that she would strike me and scooted back against the wall. I didn't understand the question- what could we do? I answered to the best of my ability

"Nothing."

"You're lying." she protested.

"But we didn't-"

"You're lying!" she screamed. I shut my mouth. Why couldn't she believe me? What was I supposed to tell her so that she'd believe me?

Mai hunched over, letting her brown hair fall over her face, and trembled. I jumped when she pointed her fierce hazel eyes back to me.

"You," she appeared to have calmed down, "Ulrica, were taken here because L needed a friend," she chuckled, "More like _wanted_ _you_ as a friend."

There was a brief paused as she tried to pull herself together.

"I heard it from Watari. The first time L saw you, he smiled. And since then, you're the only one he's opened up to."

More silence.

"I was...I was the same."

"You mean-"

"No, he was never fond of me. I was taken here when I was nine- it was Watari's wish that L have a friend. And I tried...I tried to be his friend, but he never so much as looked at me in the eye most days. You..." her voice rose to malice, and all traces of sadness evaporated.

"I know it now. I just thought that he was _extremely_ fond of you." she laughed at my clueless expression.

"He **loves **you!"

I blinked. Mai's revelation went right over my head. **Love?**

"What's love, Mai-san?"

Mai stared, her eyebrows furrowed. She sighed. "I can't tell you that. Ask your lover." Mai rolled her eyes and folded her arms. I wondered if she knew if it was obvious to me what bothered her. She wasn't going to drop the situation- I did sleep **together** with him; I didn't sleep **with** him. There was a difference. Rather than explain that to her- she might not listen anyway- I prolonged the conversation. Fumbling with the covers, I tried to act innocent.

Mai tapped her foot impatiently. Just what was she waiting on? I gulped before speaking.

"Why are you in here-?"

"To figure out what you want for breakfast." she replied curtly.

"Oh..." my eyes searched the room, as if I could find something from looking.

"Why-"

"L told me to." she snapped.

I paused again, peeved from repeatly getting interrupted.

"Aren't you going to **ask** me?" I added emphasis on my words. Mai opened her mouth, then closed it again. She huffed and stared at me. **Time for the kill.**

"Mai, do you love L?"

She froze. I think I struck a nerve.

"Of course I **don't**! He loves you, and I **don't**!" she hollared at the top of her lungs. Not very wise in front on an open door. A couple of girls passing by ran off, glancing frightfully at Mai, then to hapless ol' me. I was used to this, however.

She fumed for a quick second, then stormed out the room. There was the stomping of her footsteps, then nothing. **Utter silence.**

I sighed and fell back on the bed. My stomach growled and I turned on my side and ignored it. I closed my eyes and drifted off. Counting the questions I hoped to ask L, I fell into a fitful sleep.

My sleep was disturbed by a bright light, then covered by the faint shadow of L. I stretched as he sat on the bed, next to me and hugged him out of relief. He didn't hug me back, and I looked up to observe his expression. He stared at me with disapproval.

"Yulri-chan..."

I blinked. What was he upset about? I hadn't done anything wrong...Unless Mai-

"Why didn't you eat today?" So that's what the problem was. My stomach grumbled and I held it.

"Mai-san..." I muttered, not exactly sure what to say about her. I did run her off when she was trying to give me breakfast...

"Mai-san did come, I just- well, she hates me-"

I stopped to gauge his expression. He stared at me in a sort of pitiful, endearing way, then left out the room quietly.

**November 23, 1993**

It was midnight; the sun hadn't risen yet. I did feel much better, now that I had something in my stomach, and L made sure to remind me to not forget about my personal needs. It was the first I've heard him give a lecture, and it was strange and overwhelming in a way I couldn't explain.

Perhaps he saw the longing in my eyes- the want to embrace him...

He stopped in mid-sentence and hugged me, refraining from sitting in his normal position and pulling me foward, allowing me to sit in his lap.

I was a bit startled. I felt his breathing on my upper lip. There was a poorly hidden smirk on his face as he observed my expression. He felt my body tense up.

"L...I thought...you couldn't think if...you didn't sit with your knees up..." **I was the one who couldn't think right now.**

The smirk somewhat faded, he took his hand in mine and his other hand held my back.

"Actually, I lose my reasoning about 4 percent, but I have no need to reason."

I became flustered, his lips so close to mine. He took notice and leaned my head against his chest.

"Yulri-chan, what have you always wanted?"

I thought about my passing birthday, November 5, and how L was gone for three straight days. "To be loved..."

L hugged me tightly. "Do you still want that?"

_"He loves you!"_ I remembered so clearly Mai telling me. **Love...** The need to feel wanted. Is that what love is?

I remained silent.

"Do you still want that, Yulri-chan?" L repeated himself.

I wrapped my arms around L and buried my face in his chest. **No, love is something more.**

I breathed in and out deeply. "No." I moved back and stared at L. He blinked, his hands fell to my waist. "I already have that." I leaned foward until our foreheads touched and closed my eyes placidly.

"I just want to be with you." Holding my hand with his, L used the other to move my face closer so that our lips could touch. I squeezed L's hand, dreaded by the fact that we wouldn't always be together. Knowing that we wouldn't be able to see each other ever again, no matter how we tried.

The next two years went by quickly...

And I remember that day so clearly...

**Muha!** No, it does not end there. This is going to explain a lot of things about L, like why he doesn't need to sleep and stuff. Oh, and don't forget about Ulrica's parents or Mai. Something more shall happen! Though I'm not sure what it is exactly! (I didn't just say that.) Until next time! (Goes back to playing MapleStory) **Yeah, yeah. If you look up L's profile, Ulrica's birthday marks something very important. (Just thought you should know) **


End file.
